Rebirth.

 

Accept the normalities,

and embrace the insanities

of everyday life.

——————–

I feel the aches that flow underneath my skin,

the suffocation within my veins,

and the frailty of my bones.

The feeling spreading throughout my body

smothering clarity,

taking its leave

with you.

Hiding in the shadows,

I will emerge one day

revealing myself without chains.

The shackles will no longer be present

and I will finally

be free.

Fade.

wordpress

I walk down the steps of purgatory,

broken and sweating.

My feet bloodied and bruised,

I continue to walk.

I drag my cast iron chains,

carrying the scars of my life,

and regrets of my past,

down to the depths of the deepest oceans.

A million miles from home,

I continue to walk.

The sound of drums continue to ring in my ears,

with the bitter taste of  blood on my lips.

Return my sanity to whoever shall take it,

I have no use for it now.

Step into the vertigo,

and surrender my heart,

for that is all I have left.

Even that

is fading.

Selfishness.

clown

 

I sit so quietly at night,

watching you have nightmares,

curled up so tightly, embryonic.

The helplessness

of watching someone dream.

Why do we dream? 

Why are some dreams so pleasant

and others so painful?

Let me pull you out,

pull you back to reality.

It is not much better here,

but at least,

you are not alone.

 

Drop.

die

Tell me,

Do you feel it too?

The tightening in your chest;

the dryness in your throat;

the dropping of your stomach;

the numbness of your limbs,

the sweat in the palm of your hands;

the fog that plagues your mind;

the sickness in your heart.

Tell me

that you feel it too.

 

 

Inarticulation.

Sometimes I look at you,

I stare at you.

Nothing to say,

there are no need for words.

There are none.

No words in any language that could adequately describe how I feel about you.

Any words that I would choose would be a compromise.

I do not want to compromise.

You stare back. Curiosity envelopes you.

What am i thinking? 

You respond with a smile;

a sort of half smirk smile

that extends across your face from ear to ear.

I melt. 

Now I am certain. There are no words.

I do not need any . For in that moment

words do not exist, nor time, nor space,

nor any perception of reality.

In that moment, I am happy.

In that moment, I, myself, do not exist.

 

 

Plunge.

Plunge . 

As i fall deeper into the abyss ,

voices and high pitches noises

become intangible, unidentifiable drones.

My skin is pressed hard by the pressure,

and I am unable to move.

I open my mouth to speak and am immediately flooded

by the cold water.

I am unable to even gasp.

Soon, the light on the surface fades,

and I am plunged further into the chasm.

 

I shall make this my new home.

After all, it opened the door and welcomed me with open arms.  

patience.

I am not the first,

nor the last,

wading through a lake of mud.

Collecting debris and fragments,

and bringing them together to form it into a sphere,

perfectly round, but dull and rough.

But this is mine. 

I remove my shirt and polish the ball,

until it reaches a high sheen.

It is so bright that i must squint to look at it.

I cup this ball with my hands,

to protect it,

and hide it away.

After some time, i remove my hands

to find the ball has crumbled.

Did it crumble the moment i covered it up,

or did it simply erode over time?

I do not know.

The start of something.

This is a piece that my partner wrote shortly after we met.

UNTITLED.

We had no friends, just acquaintances, but we didn’t mind…

We shared a mutual disconnectedness from the world, our thoughts  were different, cruelly unkind.

I thought of dandelion blowing in a summer meadow, my hair trailing behind me as i laugh, you chasing me as the wind caresses my skin, the warmth of the sun on my cheeks .

I thought of Paris in 1924, suits and pearls, and old black cars, rain falling down on a black and white city, we hail a taxi, kissing in the back seat.

I dream of milky pools, snow-covered mountains, and blue lakes, leafy trees and wooden bridges, a canoe in the middle of it all; We lay inside and watch the sun set, you hold my hand, we are drenched in beauty…

We got new identities and traveled to Amsterdam, the feeling of being invisible but oh so alive, your eyes like a portal to a different world, my heart is heavy,

I fell first. 

A forest, coloured lanterns and a waterfall that glistens in the moonlight; I couldn’t explain but you understood, the way it feels not to connect with others. You see the beauty in the most ugliest of things -the smell of an old antique shop. 

I want to be everywhere with you, sitting on the steps of a cathedral in Italy, or on the edge of San Francisco Golden bridge,

hoping you splutter out your words and they form a piece of art, then maybe you’ll be good at something. But when you mind is not right, nothing but you makes sense anyway.

Before, I was dead nor alive,- even birds could feel the pain in my chest .

Now, this weird feeling takes over, smothering me, like an unwelcome guest.

A chemistry of  attraction , or even fate

telepathic love is underrated,

and I am sure, about you,

tonight.

x

Sleep.

Sleep. 

 

Sometimes I wake up in my sleep and look at you.

I wonder,

What have I done to deserve you?

 

It is strange.

I find myself wondering when I am with you, 

Wondering about my past,

My present, 

My future, 

This is new. 

 

My mind drifts into the sea,

Sometimes I wonder if I will drown.

But I do not worry, 

(For you are there.)

 

I find myself perched on the top of a mountain, 

Swaying endlessly side to side,

This has always been. 

But something is different. 

The tide is lower, 

The night is calmer, 

For you are there.

 

I sit on a wave, 

I know at some point

The wave will crash, 

But I wonder, 

Will you be there? 

To catch me when I fall? 

 

Your soft breath lingers in the midnight,

Your slow inhale almost seems purposeful.

I sit still, as to not bother you.

There is something about watching you sleep, 

a level of helplessness,

Wondering, 

Are you still there?